Cats

Knitwits Yarns knitwitspenzance.co.uk

Those of you who've been reading this for a while will know that - accidentally - we have 3 cats.

Eric - the boss, huge, black, very vocal, "my" cat, wanders off for days on end, only 3 legs (complicated story involving wandering off and cancer), prone to worms due to eating vermin on wandering sessions.

Tabitha - siamese looking, boss eyed, adopted us 6 years ago, c21 years old, stone deaf, showing signs of dementia (was found asleep in the dishwasher last week), very rarely moves from the side of the Aga.

Deidre - despite his name he's a boy, tabby, abandoned in the farmyard at 5 weeks, came home in FB's pocket, had a stroke at 1 year old, consequently dodgy eyes, now c3 years old, smells really, really bad.

Deidre is very friendly but the smell had got so bad last week FB couldn't have him in the office when he was working (Deidre never moves far from us) so a trip to the vet was arranged. By the simple method of sniffing every orifice, we'd ascertained that the truly appalling smell was coming from his ears.

Vet took a look inside and there's a raging infection and lots of grunge going on (especially in the left ear). So - treatment goes like this:

1. Get cat into house and lock all doors and windows to prevent escape.
2. Catch cat.
3. Wrap cat tightly in towel, blanket, coat/whatever is to hand after two hours of trying to catch cat who is now well aware that "something is going on".
4. Squirt cleaning solution into cat's ear.
5. Wipe cleaning solution off yours, and your partner's face, whilst still clutching growling cat.
6. Insert wads of cotton wool into furious cat's ear to remove grunge.
7. Drop precisely 3 drops of medicine into cat's ear.
8. Repeat from 3 with 2nd ear.
8. Release cat, simultaneously opening all doors to allow escape of now hissing, ball of feline fury.
9. Clear up mess, replace all unbroken ornaments on to shelves, find superglue to repair broken ornaments, find antiseptic cream for scratches on face and hands, drink stiff G&T.

Repeat every day for one week.

It's going to be a very, very long week.